


Don't Leave Me

by CheekyBrunette



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-07
Updated: 2013-07-07
Packaged: 2017-12-18 01:11:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/873986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheekyBrunette/pseuds/CheekyBrunette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Niall keeps saying he’s homesick and Zayn keeps believing him. But it’s more than that, and it’s harder than that, and Zayn can’t keep taking “homesickness" as an answer when Niall keeps crying and screaming like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me

The first night it happens, Zayn swears as his phone starts ringing, about to hang up on whoever it was before he noticed Niall's name flashing on the screen. He answered the call.

"'Ello? Ni?" he asked drowsily as he scrubbed at one of his eyes with the palm of his hand. There's a weird ruffling noise on the other end of the line before a distinct, Irish accent floats through.

"Yeah. It's me. Hi," he said, and Zayn sniffed, leaning over to flick on his light and sitting up on his pillows a bit.

"Hi yourself. What's goin' on, Niall? It's…" Zayn checked his watch, scowling at the early hour, "Three in the morning. You're meant to be in bed. We've got to be up early tomorrow, remember? We've got a signing at the mall," he reminded him, trying to get back to sleep himself. He'd do anything for Niall, but he would also do anything to not be awake at that very second.

"Yeah, no, I know… Just, um… I was wondering if you wouldn't mind me coming over," the blonde replied, and Zayn instantly rejected the idea of little Niall trying to catch a cab on the mean city streets in the middle of the night.

"It's kinda late to be out and about, Niall," he said, scared the younger boy might get mugged or raped if he left the house. His band mate made an uncomfortable noise over the phone.

"Right… Right, okay, yeah. Let me rephrase that. I'm sort of already here," Niall said, and Zayn flung himself out of bed, looking out onto the street only to see a small, black cab across the way. He could just pick out Niall's shock of blond hair in the back seat. "Would you mind if I came in? I just… I just didn't want to be alone tonight."

"Yeah, no, totally, let me grab the door," Zayn said, already making his way down the stairs to let Niall in, biting his lip because why wouldn't Niall feel okay on his own? The other boy didn't seem to share his worries.

"Thanks, mate! I really appreciate it. I remembered a toothbrush this time and everything," he said, hanging up and leaving Zayn to unlock the door and worry silently.

* * *

Zayn would never close his door on Niall. Niall is… Niall is everything, you see. Niall is why Zayn gets up in the mornings and why he keeps doing shows. All of this… All of this is too much for Zayn. He didn't have the performer's heart he had thought he had. He'd much rather be home with a cuppa and a book, but Niall loves the stage and the crowd, and Zayn would never want to ruin that for him.

Lately, however, Niall has been more of a home bunny. He's been more of a snuggler and has asked to be held more often. Zayn likes it a little more than he should, and it's frustrating.

It's actually _so_ frustrating because, really, Zayn just wants to hold him closer, like… all the time. And he wants to breathe Niall in and breathe Niall out. Plus, the more Niall clings to him, the more he gets to see him, and Zayn so likes what he sees.

Niall is beautiful. Absolutely stunning, and it hurts Zayn to look at him straight on and know he can't have him. It's hard because as much as Niall seems to be reaching out for him lately, it's not quite in the way he wants.

Niall is perfect, and Zayn wants more than he is allowed.

It's just complicated, is all.

* * *

"Niall, are you feeling okay?" Liam asks as they're headed off to BBC studios for a Channel 1 interview. Zayn's ears perk up, and he turns away from the window, paying attention to what is happening inside the van for what might have been the first time in several months. (Zayn's not particularly good at socialising, excepting times when he is with Niall.)

Now that Liam mentions it, Zayn notices that Niall looks a little more distant than usual, a frown commandeering his usual happy, smiling face. Zayn's heart pangs, and he knows what's wrong before Niall's able to answer.

"Are you homesick, babes?" he asks, and Niall's face screws up, tears watering in his eyes, and it's obvious that he has hit the nail on the head. Zayn instantly tsks and leans over, unbuckling Niall from his seat and pulling him into his lap. "Aw, no, don't cry, Nialler, we'll be home before you know it, and we can call your mum as soon as we get back if you'd like," he offers because he knows Niall will feel better if he just hears Maura's voice, but the mostly blonde still sniffs.

"You guys always get to go home, and I never do," he says quietly, and that's a little nerve-wracking for Zayn and all the boys because Niall never does _anything_ quietly if he can help it.

"We don't always get to go home, Ni," Louis says, but they all get why Niall would be saying so. He has to hop on a plane to get back to his family, meanwhile it takes Harry about two and a half hours to get home by a car, Liam and Louis about three, and Zayn about three and a half (four if there's traffic and there is _always_ traffic). The four of them could see their mums and hometowns in a moments notice, and Niall always had to carefully plan and get stuck in terminals and landing pads.

Niall sweeps away tears from his eyes, obviously trying to hold himself together the best he can, but Zayn knows how homesick Niall gets, and he knows how hard living here has been for him. No one from London is actually from London, but Niall is still an Irishman living in a sea of Brits. The little leprechaun sticks out like a sore thumb depending on the occasion, and Zayn knows all the "because he's Irish" and four-leaf-clover jokes aren't fixing anything, even if Niall's been such a good sport about it.

Zayn has a sneaking suspicion that this is more about feeling excluded than needing home.

"How about we just take care of you tonight, yeah?" he offers. "You can give your mum a call, and we can see about moving your visit home to be a little sooner, and then we can all maybe hang out at my place tonight. Does that sound okay? And you can pick pizza toppings and ice cream flavours and no one will complain."

Harry opens up his mouth to protest, but Louis slaps the back of his head to shut him up before he even got the chance to make a sound. Niall wipes his nose on the back of his hand, but doesn't seem to stop crying.

"Okay," he says, letting out a little bit of a sob but stopping his tears. "Okay, that sounds all right."

"It's gonna be okay, Niall. We're going to take good care of you," Liam helps, and Niall nods meekly and Zayn holds him close, all but forcing the younger boy's head under his chin as he cuddled him near. This wasn't the first time he had to take care of Niall about matters like these, and it certainly wouldn't be the last.

* * *

"Hey, Niall… Niall are you up?" Zayn asks, rolling over in his bed to find the other boy in the dark. It's easy with the windows open, Niall's pale skin reflecting the moon and stars and glowing silver. It's ethereal. Niall is ethereal.

The younger boy is sleeping over again because he doesn't want to be alone, and he won't tell Zayn why.

"Yeah, I'm up," Niall all but whispers back, and it's late, and Zayn's tired, but Niall is beautiful, and it's weird that they're sleeping together like this when Zayn can't really do anything about it. He just wants to reach out and touch, but he can't because Niall is _Niall_ , and when did his feelings get so muddled like this?

"Why aren't you in your own bed?" he asked, and there's a million other things he would have rather said, but that's what comes out. He wishes he had asked if Niall wouldn't mind coming a bit closer, but that had felt too daring.

Niall just smiled at him. It's lazy, but it's still Zayn's favourite thing in the world. He loves Niall's smile. "Cause I'd rather be with you than be alone, okay?"

"Okay," Zayn answered and somehow found the courage to scoot closer to the younger boy, pulling him into his arms and burying his nose into the boy's hair. He half loves how close he and the boys are because it means he can do things like this with Niall all the time and not be questioned. He half hates it because Niall's never going to know how much it means to him to have him near.

"Don't be worried, Zayn, yeah? My big empty house just sometimes gets to me. It's all right. I've just been a little homesick lately, and you know that."

"Yeah. I do."

"Okay, good. Now try to get some sleep for me? I don't want to keep you up with all this… crazy."

"Okay."

"Okay. And… And Zayn?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"Love you, too, Niall."

He just wishes he could say how much he means it.

* * *

Zayn's doorbell rings and his initial thought is - _shit_ \- the fans have found him. He hadn't been expecting anyone. Luckily, when he opens the door, it's just Louis, Harry, Liam, and a very fragile-looking, little Niall. Zayn frowns.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, a bit concerned because normally the boys would be leaping all over him and licking his ears or some weird shit like that, but at the moment they all seemed a little more subdued.

"Niall just thought we could use some family time, and we all agreed," Louis answered. "'Showed up on Li's and my doorstep all full of good ideas. Right, Ni?" Lou asked, and Niall nodded, reaching out for a hug from Zayn, arms lost in a sweatshirt much too big for him. Zayn sort of remembered it once belonging to Liam, but all five of them tended to share clothes quite often, and you could never be quite sure whose was whose.

Zayn liked Niall wearing _his_ sweatshirts best.

"Hey, babes," Zayn said, tugging Niall into something more definable as a snuggle than a hug, and breathing him in for a minute. Niall had seemed so tiny and sad lately. "You still missing home, maybe?" he asked, and Niall hummed.

"It's lonely here," Niall said as means of an answer, and Zayn didn't quite like the sound of that. He pulled Niall in impossibly closer.

"Lonely? But you've got me and the lads. We all love you, NiNi, we're gonna take care of you," he promised. Niall had him so worried lately; he just needed him safe. Niall never seemed safe, or at least… not as safe as Zayn wanted him to be. He liked having Niall spend the night, but it alarmed him that he had to. He wished he could get inside Niall's head.

But he just kept saying he was homesick, and Zayn kept on believing him.

* * *

When Niall finally got to go home, all four boys decide to go with him. They kept him company in the airport and listened to the same stories they've each heard a million times as he got more and more excited to land.

(Whenever Niall got especially hyper about visiting Ireland, he always cycled through the same tales over and over again. Louis thought it was annoying. Zayn thought it was positively _adorable_ , and yes, Niall, please tell the story about Sean and you trying to play footie on your hands and knees again.)

It's obviously not a long flight; it's just the process of getting on and getting off that takes forever. While maybe Zayn might have rather been snuggled up in his bed than sitting in a plane, it's all worth it when he sees the look that sweeps over his face when he sees Maura for the first time in what must have been months.

"Mam!" Niall yelps, running, and his mum opens her arms wide for him, wrapping him up in the most massive hug Zayn has ever seen. He hadn't realised how badly Niall had missed home until right this very moment, and he's beyond happy to see him back with his family.

Greg and Bobby help with luggage, which is good because Louis for some reason managed to pack three bags for a week's stay, and all in all they have a rather nice time with the Horans, throwing back pints and searching for pots o' gold at the end of the rainbow and everything else Ireland had to offer.

* * *

"I want to go home," Niall said sadly as he traced raindrops falling down the windowpane. It's been a week since Niall's last visit to Ireland, and it's much too soon for Niall to start missing it already.

Zayn dropped his spoon and leaves the stir-fry he is failing miserably at on the stove to burn in favour of taking care of Niall. To be fair, he had already ruined it anyway. (Soy sauce comes out of the bottle fast, all right? He hadn't quite been prepared.)

"Are you sick?" he asked, sweeping Niall's bangs off of his forehead and sneakily feeling for his temperature. All the boys tended to get a bit unsettled when they weren't feeling well.

"No, I just miss everyone," he said, and Zayn bit his lip, wondering if the trip had just made him more nostalgic than usual.

"You have friends here too, Niall. I mean… you have family here. Brothers," he reminded him. "And they're going to be over here any minute for dinner. Or, well… maybe not with my cooking and all," he said, throwing a wistful look to the stove. He manages to elicit a laugh from his Nialler.

"You can't do anything in the kitchen," he giggled a bit, worries hopefully put behind him, and Zayn pouted.

"Oi, I can make cereal and toast," he argued, and Niall shook his head.

"No, no. I've had your toast, it's always too dark or too light. You know, toasters have settings. It's not hard to get it the proper colour," he teased, and Zayn frowned a little more.

"And I suppose you could do it better?" he asked, pretending to be a bit offended, but nothing Niall could do could ever make Zayn feel down. Niall nodded.

"Yep! I could! And… and my mam could, too…" he said, eyes glazing over again, and Zayn bit back a sigh. He really hoped this was just a short little phase. He really, _really_ hoped it was just a phase.

* * *

Zayn's phone rings in the middle of the night, and it's scary how regular an occurrence this has become. "Do you need me just to unlock the door, or do I have to come get you?" Zayn asked, the words coming out automatically. They were habit at this point. Niall somehow managed to frown over the phone. (That, or Zayn was just really, really, _really_ tired.)

"Do you… Do you think you could come get me? I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just so lonely, I'm so sorry," Niall apologised, and Zayn can hear the tears in his voice.

It's not every night that Niall calls him, but it's almost always that he called one of the boys. From what Zayn could tell, he was always sobbing before he finally made the call, and it made him feel awful. What if the nights where he didn't go over to one of the boys' were the nights that he cried himself to sleep?

And it was scary because Niall was supposed to be the happy one. He was supposed to be carefree, and smiley, and easy to talk to. Now Zayn was scared of setting him off, and that _sucked_ because Zayn _loved_ talking to Niall. He just loved Niall, actually. He loved his cute little nose, and his bright blue eyes, and his bleached blonde tipped hair. Niall was just so cute, and he had a habit of making Zayn feel like he was the only person alive -or at least the only one that mattered- when they were both in a room together. It was sad seeing his Niall so… not-Niall-ish.

"Yeah, babes, sure, I'll come get you. I'll always come get you," Zayn promised, wishing he could reach through the phone to give the younger boy a hug, but he couldn't. Instead he just rolled out of bed and stuffed his feet into some trainers, tugging on a jacket with one hand. Meanwhile, Niall still sounded as if he was crying.

"Okay. Okay, I'm sorry, I love you, I love you and all the boys so much, and I'm so sorry for getting on all your nerves like this, I am so sorry," he apologised on repeat, and Zayn shook his head, even if Niall couldn't see him doing it.

"Ni, it's fine. I'll be over in ten, yeah? You want me to stay on the phone with you?" he asked, and Niall sniffed.

"Yes, please."

"Alright, babes, no problem."

* * *

Zayn doesn't really notice a problem until they are walking from the van to the studio of some morning show in France; where in France, Zayn doesn't exactly know. Lately he's just getting onto planes and trusting the pilots not to leave him behind.

There's fans swarming the entrance, all shouting things in French and absolutely _suffocating_ the boys, and it's a little scary even for Zayn, but it must be _killer_ for Niall. He can't see anyone he knows other than the bodyguard trying to help facilitate things at his side, and that's why he's so stricken when he hears a bloodcurdling scream erupt from behind him. And not just any scream.

 _Niall's_ scream.

Zayn whips around, breaking out of his bodyguard's hold and ploughing through people to get to the younger boy because there's only two things Zayn's really serious about and one of them is Niall. (The other is proper hygiene, but Zayn thinks that's something most people are rather serious about.)

He finds Niall faster than anyone else ever could –he is Zayn and he will _always_ find Niall- and isn't sure what to do when he sees the other boy trying to drag himself away from their newest bodyguard, Raymond.

And Zayn can see what's happening despite the girls milling around. Niall is screaming and trying to break away, but poor Raymond thinks that girls are attacking him and just trying to get him to the exit. It's just a misunderstanding, the only problem is that Zayn hasn't a clue why Niall would ever be pulling away in the first place.

Zayn quickly breaks them apart, whisking Niall up into his arms and somehow getting the pair of them into the studio before any of the other boys managed to make it there.

"What's wrong, baby? What's wrong with Raymond, what happened?" he asked, and Niall's wailing.

"Where's Paul?" he shrills, and it's terrifying how absolutely insane Niall seems at the moment, because normally the band's little Irish is very easy going and relaxed, but right now he's so pent up and disturbed that it's unnerving. "Where's Paul, where's Paul, where's Paul?!" he repeats, and Zayn frowns.

"I think he's with Louis, why?" he asks, and Niall caves further into his own tears and folds into himself.

"I miss Paul, I want Paul, I don't know Raymond, I want someone I know, I missed everyone I know," he says, reaching out and clinging onto Zayn, and this isn't right. This isn't how Nialls are supposed to be. Nialls are happy, cheery creatures who don't have preferences, least of all in people.

"Why Paul? Raymond can protect you just fine," he assures him, but Niall just shakes his head, whole body wracking.

"I need Paul, I _miss_ him. I miss him all the time, I miss everyone all the time, please, please, where is everybody? I need everybody," he sobs, and it's not long before the other boys do manage to walk in the door and are promptly dragged into a big group hug with Niall in the centre, the second youngest needing absolutely everyone all at once.

He needed them so badly, Zayn could tell, and it scared the shit out of him.

* * *

Niall's sobbing and tearing at Zayn's shirt, and it's scaring the crap out of him. "I wanna go _home_ , just take me _home_ , I need _home,_ I can't _do this right now, I just have to go home, why won't anybody take me_ home?!" Niall repeats and repeats, and Zayn doesn't know. He just doesn't know.

"Niall, you live here now. You live in London with me, and Harry, and Louis, and Liam. You are home, we're gonna take care of you. You want I should call the boys over?" he asked, picking Niall up so the younger boy was clinging to him full-on koala and bouncing him in his arms a bit like a baby. He didn't like how upset Niall had been getting lately.

And when Zayn said upset, he meant _upset_. Like… Like it was pointless sending Niall home at night anymore because he just ended up sobbing until late and calling up one of the boys –typically Zayn- at one or two in the morning.

Niall always had to be with one of them. Louis said he was always creeping between him and Liam in bed in the middle of the night, and Harry claimed that he sometimes woke up and tripped over Niall lying on the floor at his feet. Zayn always just went to bed _with_ Niall, so he never found him in weird places, but the very idea of Niall not being able to sleep by himself for a night stressed him.

Everything about this situation stressed him.

Liam had managed to make a schedule for which of the boys had to take him on which night, and Zayn had offered to manage every week day while Liam and Louis took care of him on Friday and Harry had him Saturday. While he volunteered to take care of Niall more than anyone (he and the blonde had a sorta special relationship mostly due to the massive, disgustingly large crush Zayn had on him), it didn't mean he didn't feel an enormous amount of pressure. Niall would set off at any time, and he never seemed to be happy.

Not only that, but Niall seemed to be making himself sick. Like… like if he wasn't throwing up, he had a cough with a runny nose. The bags beneath his eyes never seemed to disappear. He wasn't healthy anymore. Niall used to always be healthy, and now he seemed to be wasting away.

And then of course there was the screaming and crying, much like what was happening now.

"But you're just going to _leave me_. Everyone is going to _leave me_. _I'm going to be all-alone; don't leave me alone. Don't_ leave me. I can't be by myself don't _leave me,"_ Niall all but begged, holding onto Zayn so tightly it hurt, and he didn't think he could keep this up for much longer. Zayn threaded his fingers into Niall's hair, trying to keep him close and make sure that he felt him there.

"Ni, no. Niall, I'm right here, okay? I'm here for you right now. All the time. Forever. You don't have to worry about me leaving you, alright?" he asked, concerned and a bit overwhelmed.

Niall didn't say anything, just sobbed into his shoulder while Zayn held him. If he didn't want to believe it before, he had to believe it now. Something was wrong with Niall. Something was definitely, irrevocably wrong.

* * *

It is the first time Zayn's phone has rung in a while, and this time it's Liam. "Hey, Zayn? Yeah, it's Niall… He keeps getting sick, and he's asking for you," Liam explained, and it's way too early in the morning for this shit. Zayn groaned.

"The sun isn't even up yet, how is he in the state of mind to be asking for anybody?" Zayn asked, and Liam laughed a bit, obviously just as exhausted as Zayn was.

"It's like he doesn't need sleep or something…" Liam mused before clearing his throat. "Look, Zayn. I'm getting… I'm worried about him, you know? He's not… he's not…"

"He's not Niall," Zayn filled in, and Liam grunted as means of a positive response. But Zayn didn't want to just leave it at that. "And like… not only is he not Niall, but he's the fucking _crazy_ version of Niall. Like, I don't know what happened, where things went wrong, but all of a sudden he's gone mental. I don't… I don't know what to do, Liam, he just keeps… he won't stop _crying_. I just want to get him to stop crying. And he's always honking, and he always seems so tired, and it's like… I don't even know. He doesn't focus, he's been sad, and he hasn't… he hasn't even been _eating_ lately, Liam. Like… our Niall hasn't been eating."

"He hasn't?" Liam asks, and he sounds all of a sudden much more nervous than he did before Zayn went off on his rant. Zayn swallowed, and it catches in his throat.

"No. He hasn't. At first I just wrote it off as him not feeling well, but that's starting to seem a bit ridiculous considering he ate half a chocolate cake that one time when he got food poisoning, remember?" Zayn asked, eyebrows etched together because he doesn't want to make a big deal out of nothing, but this really is starting to feel like _something_.

"Yeah, he did, didn't he… shit. Shit. Fuck, okay, that's it, we should get him checked out," Liam decided, and he _never_ curses. Zayn couldn't have agreed more.

"You mean like right now? Because I would be game for right now. I just… I didn't want to make a fuss if I was the only one who was noticing stuff like this, you know? And he's been… he's been off for so long, I didn't really notice it getting worse. But he's just so absent now, and I can't… I can't see him like this any longer," Zayn said, voice tight and wet, and shit, when did he start crying about this.

"How about we wait until morning, yeah? For now, how about you just come over here, maybe. Maybe it would be best if we were all together. I'll call Harry."

"Yeah, okay, that sounds good," Zayn replied.

Because as much as he loved Niall, it was hard having no one to lean on when it was just the two of them.

* * *

When Zayn gets to Liam and Louis's flat the lights are all down, and he figures everyone is nearly asleep. He practically jumps out of his skin when Niall comes rushing at him from nowhere.

"Hi, hi, hi, I'm here, babes, I'm here. How are you feeling, are you okay?" he asked, tilting up Niall's chin and holding him close. The younger boy burrowed into his chest a little bit and simply nodded, but that was enough for Zayn. "All right, good. How about you and me go to sleep, yeah? Take me to your bed, love," he said softly, and Niall pulled away just slightly, grabbing his hand and pulling him through the flat and up into the guest bedroom. Harry was already occupying the other side of the queen, so Zayn stuck Niall in the middle before crawling in next to him, holding him around the waist.

"We're going to make you better, okay, Ni?"

"Okay."

"I love you so much."

"Okay."

It didn't take long for Niall to fall asleep, but it took Zayn ages. He just couldn't stop looking at him. His Niall. His Niall so wrecked for no reason. He just wanted him feeling better. He just needed him feeling better.

* * *

Liam rounds them all up the next morning and takes them to the hospital where apparently he's made an appointment, and it only takes a few questions from the receptionist to immediately transfer them to the psych unit where Niall is to be evaluated.

Zayn doesn't want his Niall evaluated.

He especially doesn't want his Niall evaluated when he realises that the younger boy has to go in and do it alone. Like hell is Zayn leaving Niall's side. But the nurses say he has to, and Zayn knows it's selfish to cling to Niall the way he does sometimes, so he lets him go, but not without planting a million kisses to the top of his head and assuring him at least a thousand times that he would be okay.

And that left Zayn, Liam, Louis, and Harry in their own little waiting room, crossing their fingers.

"Do you really think he's crazy?" Harry asked after a long while of silence, hunched over in his chair with his hands clasped together in front of him. Louis snaked a leg into his lap and draped himself on top of Liam.

"He can't be crazy. He's just… he's just stressed. They'll see that and put him on some antianxiety medication or some shit, and it'll be fine," he said passively, but he's nervous, Zayn can see it in his face.

"That doesn't explain all the crying and the… the not eating. And why he can't seem to concentrate on anything anymore, have you lot noticed that? He kept letting me cream him at FIFA the other day; he wasn't even trying. He just looked scared. I don't think that's just from the pressure," Harry argued, and Zayn's stomach twisted up in knots. It's nerve-wracking to hear all of Niall's problems spelled out like this.

"Actually, if he _is_ just anxious, that might explain things. I've heard anxiety and depression walk hand and hand."

"But then why does he need us so much? Whenever he's over at mine, I can't leave him alone for a second."

"Neither can we, I think… I don't know, he keeps saying he's lonely."

"Is loneliness linked to anxiety, too?"

"I… I don't know."

"I just want him to be okay. Do you think he's going to be okay?"

"I mean… I don't see why not, they have medicine for everything now."

"Our Nialler… taking medicine…"

A sob erupted from Zayn's throat.

"Shit, shit, oh God, I'm so sorry, I don't… I don't know what came over me, I'm just… I'm just…" Zayn couldn't even breathe. Tears rolled down his cheeks in sheets, and he hadn't a clue where they came from. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, it's just… My _Niall._ He's so scared and alone all the time, and I just want him better, I don't want him sick," he explained, and Harry dug himself out from under Louis's legs and plopped himself into Zayn's lap. His arms looped around his shoulders as he held him close.

"It's okay, Zayn. You can be sad. It's very… it's upsetting," Harry assured him. Liam and Louis got up from their spot cuddled on the chairs across the room and wrapped Zayn up in a hug of their own.

They just want Niall to be okay, Zayn especially.

* * *

They stay like that with Zayn in the middle until Niall's psychiatrist comes in, an older looking guy with a bald, shiny head and a bright smile. "Niall Horan's friends and family?" he asked, and it was all any of the boys could do but to nod, they were so nervous. "Good. I'm Dr. Warner, I took care of your little buddy today," he said, taking a seat in one of the chairs across from them as they managed to untangle themselves.

"It's it… bad?" Louis asked, and it's the most serious Zayn has ever heard him. The doctor smiled at them reassuringly.

"He's going to start feeling better, if that's what you're asking," the man assured them, and all four boys let out one big collective sigh. Zayn could practically feel layers of stress sweeping off their bodies. "I'm diagnosing Niall with autophobia which has ended up translating itself into ammidyphobia."

"What does that mean?" Liam asked, and Zayn is glad he is here because he personally feels like the wind has been knocked out of him despite having no idea what was going on.

"It means the poor bloke's afraid of being abandoned. It seems as though the move over here has left him a little nervous. We're going to ask him a few more questions to write him a prescription that should help calm him down, but for now, I would like to talk to you boys about how you can help him start feeling better. He says you don't all live together?"

"That's right. Lou and I stay together, and Harry and Zayn each have their own place," Liam answered, and Dr. Warner nodded.

"Alright. A good first step would be to stop having him bounce from house to house, okay? He is going to do much better if he stays with just one of you and the rest of you come visit. All the dropping off and leaving is only going to stress him. Zayn, he says he stays with you most often. Would you be able to have him all the time?" the doctor asked, and for some reason, Zayn's breath catches in his throat.

"Yeah. Yeah, that would be fine, whatever he needs," he promised, and the man smiled.

"Okay, I'll tell him the good news. Aside from that, boys, you seem to be doing a lot of things right. He really just needs to be shown that his friends and family are there for him, and the more you bond and build trust with him almost like a family unit, the better. The only thing I would be mindful of is creating a stress free environment. I know that's hard in your situation, and the medicine we'll have him take will keep him more relaxed, but try not to put any added pressure on him. We recommend things like meditation and yoga to help him unwind, but if you boys maybe just want to sit around eating ice cream and watching telly from time to time, that would work nearly as well. Anything to get his mind off it, really."

"Is that it?" Zayn asked because that feels… small. It feels useless. It doesn't seem like it would actually do anything, and that worries Zayn.

"It's the most you can do for now. I don't mean to alarm you, but Niall does in fact seem to be suffering from the worst set of abandonment issues I have ever seen. As of now, I can only blame the pressure. If an instance for a break seems to pop up, I recommend taking it," the doctor prescribed and then left the boys to themselves.

"So you all wanna stay at my place?" Zayn asked, and each boy replied instantly.

"Yes."

"Of course."

"Please."

* * *

They're all sitting around the table for dinner, and it's nice and it's weird. It's nice because Zayn loves the boys, and he loves eating with them and hanging with them and seeing them all the time. It's cool that Liam and Louis are always right down the hall in the guest room, and it's nice that Harry has made his home on the couch downstairs.

But at the same time, Zayn knows why they're here, and it's sad. It's sad because as far as Zayn can tell from constant Internet searches and taking in everything the doctor had to say when he dropped Niall off, his little snowflake for some reason deep down thinks that they're going to leave him. Zayn would never leave Niall.

He would _never leave Niall_.

And he knows the other boys wouldn't either. To think that Niall believed they would was upsetting to say the least, and it was all he could do not to cradle the small blonde up in his arms and never let him down. He just loved him so much, and it was hard to see him this sad.

"I'm not crazy," Niall said, stabbing at the mashed potatoes Harry had gone to the trouble of making from scratch. Harry always seemed to go out of his way in the kitchen when he was trying to keep himself calm.

"Of course you're not crazy, Niall," Liam said, a frown taking over his face. Five seconds ago they had all been laughing over Paul walking into a screen door. It was a weird change in conversation to see the least. Niall shook his head.

"No, I mean… You guys… I'm not fragile. You don't have to stay here. You don't have to cling onto me back like this, I just… I'm just… I know… I don't…" Niall doesn't seem to know what to say, so Zayn clears his throat.

"Niall, we're all here together because we want to make sure that you understand that this is how we always want it to be. We want you relaxed, and we don't… we're not going to leave you, okay? So stop letting that thought take over your mind," he promised, and Niall merely looked down at his plate, dragging his fork back and forth through his potatoes to make a grid of sorts. Luckily, Louis was there to break the tension.

"No, but seriously, his face was so red afterwards, he looked like a squashed tomato," Louis giggled, and soon they were all laughing again, minus Zayn.

He just couldn't take his eyes of Niall.

* * *

"Niall, do you maybe want to go on a walk with me?" Zayn asked after dessert, and the other boy raised an eyebrow but nodded. He took Zayn's outstretched hand and let him lead him out the door.

They walk hand in hand for a bit, and Zayn nearly kicks himself because it's cold and he just wanted to get Niall out alone so he hadn't thought about jackets. And it's never happened before, but the silence they've fallen into grows awkward, and Zayn coughs a bit into the back of his hand.

"Look Niall…"

"Zayn, we don't have to have this conversation now. We don't really have to have it ever. I know you guys aren't going to up and leave me, I'm just being stupid. But I'm… I'm gonna get better. I'm gonna go to therapy and all that shit, and I'm going to be okay. We don't have to talk about this," he interrupted, and Zayn immediately shook his head.

"No, I don't care about that. Well, I mean, I do, but… but I'm more interested in me and you, you know? Cause I'm… I'm not going anywhere; you know what I mean? Like… like I don't want to leave you, and I really, really, really don't want you to leave me. I just want you forever and ever, and I know… I know you feel the same, right?" Niall nodded. "Right. And Niall I would… I would love you endlessly if you would have me, and-"

"Wait, slow down, is this about me and you as friends or me and you as _me and you_ ," Niall asked, confusion written across his face, and once again, Zayn could kick himself because he could just be so confusing sometimes, but he didn't mean to be.

"Me and you as in _me and you_. I thought maybe… I don't know, I don't even think you like me… like… like… I don't know. I just wanted you to know that I like _love you_ love you, and maybe now you won't worry about me leaving so much, and never mind about the 'if you would have me' part of that, never mind, this is embarrassing, maybe we should just go back…"

"No! No. I mean… I mean, I like you, too, you know? I _love_ you."

"Oh… Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. Okay, that's…" Zayn ran his hands through his hair a few times, a little overwhelmed. "Okay. Okay, good. Okay cause I'm not going anywhere. I don't want to go anywhere. And maybe that's what you needed. Someone who you know isn't going to go anywhere. Someone to love you."

"Yeah, maybe," Niall said with a hit of a smile, and, shit, that will definitely always be Zayn's favourite thing in the world.

"Okay… yeah. Yeah. All right, that went well. Kiss now?" he asked a bit hopefully, and Niall didn't answer so much as immediately crash their lips together, and Zayn kissed back the best he could because this was all he could give Niall and this is the best way he could think of helping.

Maybe this is what Niall needed.

Maybe Niall had just needed him.


End file.
